I Am Simply Done With Some Foods

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I'm known as an avid eater.  I'm all for trying new things and eating outside of the box.  I have no trouble eating pickled pig's feet, goose liver pate, calamari, fried alligator, sprats, smoked oysters, or anchovies.  Yet, some foods, which seem to have become popular, simply leave me flat.

Subject: A Krispy Kreme Burger | Date: 09/25/2008 | Photographer: Jellorama| This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license.

• Popularized by Paula Deen, the Luther Burger, named for singer-songwriter and record producer Luther Vandross, is a hamburger or cheeseburger which uses one or more glazed doughnuts in place of the bun. These sandwiches of ground-beef topped with; lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion, mayo, ketchup, cheese, and, sometimes, bacon; between two doughnuts, or a single split doughnut, are not only grossly unhealthy at approximately 1,500 calories a pop, they're a mess waiting to happen. 

 Doughnuts aren't made with the structural integrity to support greasy toppings. Thus, after a bite or two, assuming the eater can get their mouth around the monstrosity to begin with, the doughnuts will begin to crumble, leaving the eater a lap full of ground beef, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion, mayo, ketchup, cheese, and, sometimes, bacon.

Besides, ketchup on doughnuts sounds like part of a cruel fraternity hazing. Eeeewwwwww.........

Subject: German Laugengebäck Bread | Date: 12/28/2009 | 
Photographer: Sunbar1 | This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license.

• Ruby Tuesday's, Wendy's, Sonic, and other eateries are selling sandwiches on German Laugengebäck Bread, calling it Pretzel Buns.  Such buns are made from bread dough which has been given a concentrated baking soda bath to give the buns their dark chewy pretzel-esc exterior.  

 However, it's the Pretzel Salt (large-grained salt that does not melt quickly) which makes pretzels so delicious.  Makers of the hip sandwich buns are leaving the salt off the buns' exterior.  The result is a burger, or hotdog, in a tough bun without the savory payoff.  I'd much rather go to a Pretzel Stand for a good warm salty pretzel and leave my burger on a bun I can bite through comfortably.

Subject:IPA (India Pale Ale) | Date: 01/15/2007 | Photographer: Dennis 84| This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license.

• IPA (India Pale Ale) was invented in the late 1700s as a beer that wouldn't spoil on the voyage from England to India.  Back then, IPAs such as Burton brewer's and Hodgson's, were lightly hopped and would not have been considered to be strong ales.  Today, IPAs are overly hopped bitter brews, which I simply can't choke down.

"Serious beer drinkers," in the U.S., pride themselves in liking bold tasting beers, so they've made IPA one of the top selling beer styles in America.  Personally though, I've never had an enjoyable one.  I'm all for flavorful beer, including; Fort George's Quick Wit, Widmer Hefeweizen, and Blue Moon Belgian Wheat; just to name a few of my favorites.  I simply can't get behind a brew that makes me wince & gag every time I take a sip.


Of course, the world of food & drink is made up of a variety of tastes.  To quote Alan Thicke's popular lyrics from the 80s, "...it takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world. Yes it does. It takes, Diff'rent Strokes to move the world."  However, it seems that once some foods are advertised, or are prepared by a celebrity chef, the masses adopt them as favorites, forgetting that the Emperor can, in fact, be naked.
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